With that cheeky scamp Lio Messi adding another gorgeous vaselina goal to his growing collection against Spain on Tuesday night, we’ve decided to dedicate ‘A Handful Of...’ this month to some the best vaselinas that Argentinian football has to offer.
‘Vaselina’ is a word in Spanish which can be used to describe a few different things. Firstly, it is the name given to a clear, gooey substance that comes in little jars which are purchased from pharmacies by sweaty bald men for reasons unknown to AFW. The English name for this mysterious jelly is ‘Vaseline’ and, according to the internet, it was invented by Robert Augustus Cheesebrough in 1859, by refining the excess “rod wax” from oil wells. It all sounds grubby to us and makes us uncomfortable, so let’s move on.
It may come as a surprise to some of our younger readers, but movies and TV shows in which people suddenly break out into well choreographed musical numbers were around well before 'High School Musical' and 'Hannah Montana' changed all of our lives forever in the mid-2000s. Archaeological records indicate that there may have been such films in existence as far back as the 1960s, but the world truly became captivated by the genre with the 1978 release of the tragicomic masterpiece ‘Grease’. ‘Grease’ starred not-yet Scientologist John Travolta and doe-eyed Australian Olivia Newton-John, and although it’s not clear what the movie was actually about, it is perhaps best known for delivering the hauntingly beautiful ‘Grease Megamix’ to the world. Oh, in Spanish, ‘Grease’ is known as ‘Vaselina’ – that’s why we’re talking about it.
The other use of vaselina, the one we’re focussing on today (more Grease in future articles, I promise!), is the one from the world of futbol that describes a deftly lifted shot; usually referred to in English as a chip, or a lob. It takes an awful lot of technique to pull off without looking like a complete muppet, so when it does happen, it’s almost always a thing of great beauty. Argentinian players, being the sneaky little tricksters that they are, tend to produce more than their fair share of lovely vaselinas. Here are five goals that were so smoothly executed, they must have involved lubricant.
#1: Lionel Messi, 2007, Argentina
It’s an oft-repeated fallacy that Messi has not been totally committed to the sky blue and white of his national team. Not only was he the only Argentinian to play in every minute of every single qualifier for the 2010 World Cup, he was also heavily involved in Argentina’s gold medal winning triumph at the 2008 Beijing Olympics, and the team’s run to the final of the 2007 Copa America. In the semi final of that tournament, Messi produced a moment of Maradona-esque magic to open the scoring against Mexico. Receiving the ball from Tevez on the edge of the box, Messi noticed the Mexican goalkeeper was approximately 3cm out of position, and duly punished him with brutal elegance. “Only a genius, a superstar could do this. It was an extraordinary feat that moved everybody," said coach Alfio Basile of the goal. Steady on, big fella, Messi does that stuff all the time!
#2: Diego Maradona, 1982, Barcelona
Whilst playing for Barcelona in 1982, Diego Maradona scored what is perhaps the most aesthetically pleasing vaselina of them all against Red Star in Belgrade. In this fascinating piece of footage, the famous number 10 explains step-by-step how he crafted the goal to documentary maker Emir Kusturica, as he revisits the stadium where it happened. Follow his directions carefully, and you will be scoring similar goals for yourself in no time!
#3: Ariel Ortega, 1996, River Plate
Aside from his ability to stop and turn on a five centavo coin with the ball stuck to his feet, ‘El Burrito’ Ortega’s other phenomenal talent is his aerial play. By that we don’t mean that he is good at leaping above defenders and slamming home headers, but that he has amazing control over lofted passes and shots. Understandably then, Ortega has produced a whole catalogue of fine vaselina goals over his long career, dating right back to this 1996 effort against Ferro from a tight angle. Here is a fabulous compilation showing ten of his best.
#4: Angel Di Maria, 2008, Argentina
Angel Di Maria is one of those wacky funsters who just can’t score ugly goals. When confronted with a chance to score, he always seems to produce something to take the breath away. Watch closely his delightful goal against Nigeria in the final of the 2008 Olympic Games; using his left foot like a pitching wedge, he chips the ball over the advancing keeper with such precision that it would make Angel Cabrera proud, kicking up a little earth and following through with his swing like a pro.
THE QUINTESSENTIAL: Ricardo “Vaselina” Rojas, 2002, River Plate
Ricky Rojas may have played for Paraguay, but he was really Argentinian, so we’re including him in this list. We couldn’t in good conscience leave him out, since he actually earned himself the nickname “Vaselina” while playing for River Plate. How does one earn that exalted nickname? Like this: Rojas was a defender who had never scored for River in the first division before the Superclasico of 10 March, 2002. After that day, he would never score again for them, despite being part of the championship winning teams of ’02, ’03 and ’04. A wonderful River side strutted around the Bombonera with the likes of Cambiasso, Cavenaghi, D’Alessandro and Ortega pulling the attacking strings, but it was Rojas who would provide the unforgettable moment in an historic 3-0 victory. Driving forward with the ball from left-back, he would feed D’Alessandro from just inside his own half, before purposefully cutting infield and striding towards the Boca penalty area. D’Alessandro laid off to Ortega, who must have sensed that Rojas was manically riding some incomprehensible force of nature as he thundered forwards, immediately lobbed it in his direction. The Boca defence were not prepared for the sudden appearance of the defender on the edge of the D, meaning that with a single jink to his right, he won himself his moment in history -- the fraction of a second it took him to concoct one of the most casually brilliant vaselinas you’ll ever see. Side-footing a perfect rainbow of a shot into the dead centre of the net, he even started to wheel away in celebration as soon as the ball left his boot. Whatever came over Ricky Rojas in the Bombonera for the few seconds it took to produce his magical goal, it would only ever happen that once -- but sometimes, once is more than enough. Watch full highlights of the match, including hilarious commentary box antics here, and visit the facebook page dedicated to the goal here.
by Dan Colasimone
